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tentacles

10 Reasons why a shoggoth is the perfect lover

        10 Reasons why a shoggoth is the perfect lover
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1) It can form any pseudopod, and thus can form the perfect extrusion
or cavity to suit your needs.

2) It will sleep on the wet patch, or on the floor, or even in the
garage.

3) It can keep going as long as you want it to.

4) Since it has a different biological basis, it cannot give you any
form of STD, and thus barrier methods are not required. Please remem-
ber to wash your shoggoth in an antiseptic if sharing between partners.

5) It cannot get you pregnant

6) It can give you a back massage, answer the phone, open a beer, have
sex with multiple people, change the CD _and_ take dictation all at
the same time. (They also make good secretaries.) They do have a
slight problem with Microsoft Word for Windows though, no-one is quite
sure why.

7) It can hold the door shut so no-one can burst in on you.

8) It never suffers from impotence or headaches.

9) It will respect you in the morning and will not leave you for
someone else (unless they happen to know 'bind shoggoth' as well. At
this point your shoggoth will get very confused, split into two
shoggoths, and bits of both will keep commuting between the two
masses. Great for parties.)

10) It won't insist on you meeting it's parents. (If you do meet its
parents, lose 1d6/0 SAN.)

Nyar - now all I have to do is learn to summon one...

(from http://www.cthulhu.org/smut/FAQ.txt)

Don't be the product, buy the product!

Schweinderl